Changes

Past was awesome, future will be green and present is worse, we all would have felt it sometimes or more appropriately many a times :)

Transitioning from past to present and then to future is all about going through bundle of changes. Probably life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Few changes are the ones we desire or crave for and few are the ones we would have put our best efforts to avoid.

The changes we desire provide us a reason for celebration & happiness. The changes we are keen to escape are the ones which offers us sorrows.

It’s true that grief doesn’t change situation but it equips us to handle obstacle and introduce us to our hidden courage and resilience that we did not know we possess and most importantly saves us from apathy.

Uncertainty ahead

Last weekend in Pune was fun, seen couple of new places, relished some awesome food and watched a so so movie. Thanks to my colleagues who invited me to go out with them.  

After spending a lazy Saturday in hotel, I was in no mood to stay indoor on Sunday. I made my agenda of traveling across the city alone, not sure why, I wasn’t too fascinated with the idea though, probably because last week I  had company. Being little stubborn, I decided not to deviate from my plan but around 8 in the morning, some one wassapp me; that early on a Sunday morning, all I expected it to be a forwarded message but it was a message from a 15 years old school friend; a friend from BJS. She texted me saying she is coming to meet me; it took me couple of minutes to sink in, little later I thanked FB in my head for letting her know I am in Pune.

When I met her I was super excited, in no time we were engrossed in a long conversation.  We spoke as if we were best buddies but in reality we have seldom said “hi” to each other in school. 

After meeting with her that day I have felt quite a few times- life doesn’t follow any rule, life is so random. My friend and I started from the same place 15 years ago but today our lives are pretty different.  The fear of uncertainty of life touched me for a moment but then I thought; today I am happy, I will worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes :) .

Bangalore.....

A lazy Friday morning …pleasant weather….can hear some music in the background …feeling lazy but happy thinking about the long weekend!!

I was supposed to go to South City to get my shoes mended, I bought them recently but the heal broke; well even branded stuffs does ditch sometimes!

As I got out of my house, didn’t feel like getting up on taxi , decided to walk a little and then avail metro. As I walked down the street I felt very light..very happy ..carefree…. the cool breeze was hitting on my face, making best effort to ruffle my tightly tired hairs.

It was the typical Bangalore weekend feeling …. waking up super late, gulping down a quick cup of coffee until the domino’s guy delivered my barbecue chicken pizza with extra cheese and coke. Yeah..yeah... its lot of calories but five days a week little cardio was the compensation to my guilt of consuming these extra calorie over the weekend ! I used to bite my pizza and sip coke while happily updating my face book status “ yippee its weekend” ; friend buzzing over chats asking “what plans for weekend?” and within five minutes deciding to catch up in an hour and plan further!! Quickly finishing my brunch; getting decked up in the T-shirt I bought last weekend, staring at the mirror for a while and wondering “if I look fat “, committing a (false) promise to myself “no more pizza from next weekend” …suddenly realizing I’m running late, quickly getting of my house and heading towards forum, listening to the songs stored in my phone and complaining in my head that “the FM is disgusting in Bangalore it plays all crap songs”. On reaching Forum meeting friend, enthusiastically complaining and bitching about plethora of problems for a while and then getting engrossed in fun, frolic, carefree moment far off from worries of staying away from home and challenges at work .

After fabulous two year, five months, few small achievements and making some great friends breaking news was I was transferred to my home city! Perfect right ? Could I have asked for more? The memories.. when I stepped into this city full of insecurities flashed into my mind and then as I was biding adieu to Bangalore, the city seemed so much my own , people I never knew before are so close that its aches to say good bye , the places I explored there seem so accustomed that I felt I knew them forever. I wasn’t exactly sad while leaving the city because staying at one place for too long doesn’t fascinate me for no known reason but as I boarded the flight ..I did felt little uneasy .

Yesterday as I got inside the metro and it started to move I curiously questioned myself am I relishing some good six month old memories or missing Bangalore?

Friends....

A tinge of smile turns into loud laughter,

Each time we crack jokes.

Different colors of annoyance,

Every time we pull each other’s leg.

Endless fights,

Ends up with a phone call.

Many a times knowingly took the same road,

But never admitted.

Hating a kind of movie,

But still watching for each other.

Hating to wait,

But still waiting forever.

Not only about celebration of success together,

But being able to reveal the craziest mistakes and

biggest failure.....without fear!

Complete disagreements,

But still not able to dislike each other.

Never saying I will be there for you,

But being there forever.

A Fantastic Fantasy :)

Chimera

I wish I had a time machine,

To visit an era .

Where expectations are not sky high,

Where small things can make someone fly.

Where fears doesn’t exist,

Where one can afford to believe.

Where no one is attired in faux optimism ,

When drowned in deep pessimism .

Where there is no dignity in wearing a fake smile,

When sorrow is battering the heart inside.

Where no one evaluate their emotions,

Where everyone persue their dreams with passion.

Where hypocrism and sarcasm are not virtues,

Where people are simple and true.

Where love doesn’t get vulnerable,

Where absences doesn’t make one feel miserable

Where no one is skilled to easily let love go,

Just to boost their precious ego.

Where I never have to say,

What I hate to convey.

Where there is no battle between fate and desires,

Where that claustrophobic feeling is no where.

Which way ?

Science affirm brain is the master of us ...

But then – our heart says something and brain something else- and result troubled us ;)

We crave to follow our heart --

But we have equipped ourselves to ignore what our heart insists and pursue what brain impose because its more logical and practical; moreover. offers ego boost of being perfect, practical ..blue blue ..blah …blah ..but are we really practical ? If so then why we often have urge to do things which are irrational and meaningless and moreover does it always make us happy to follow our brain? I believe no!! Then why do we think heart has the ownership of making us unhappy always?

I know its about metrics- following our heart land us in complete mess 80% of the time as heart gives rise to instinct which are not intellectual. But what about the 20% times when go to complete trance following our heart. Should we ignore that?

There few mysteries around us that give birth to trouble interest if we deal with them with brain, so why not deal with them with heart for a while…I do it that way by placing a semicolon after my thinking engine and just going by the flow...following what my heart says. It sounds wacky but what a feeling it is to be little crazy once in a while and ignoring all prototypes, all logics.

But then I make sure I put a semicolon to my brain not a full stop so that my brain can hold me strong, calm me and guide me when that little crazy thing called heart has put me into mess .

Its very difficult for one to synchronize brain and heart; may be specially for females as they are more emotional but that doesn’t mean we should completely ignore our heart ;) That way we just end up spend our life not living it ! Isn't it ? ;)